The other side of silence
by Andromedamnit
Summary: An elaboration on the Thane and Shepard romance in ME2 which will then depart from the ME3 canon in (hopefully!) an interesting and satisfying way. My first full length fan fiction so please forgive errors/clichés etc. I'm just doing this for the love of Thane and, of course, the legend of Commander Shepard. Feedback appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Shepard stepped carefully out of the mess, optimistically balancing a pile of several data pads, various bits of armour and a mug of tea at the summit. As she leaned to call the elevator the whole pile began to slide sideways.

"Oh shiiii..." Shepard shifted her weight to try and rebalance but the tower was collapsing from the middle. Luckily for her their latest recruit had rapid reflexes and moved swiftly to help her as he stepped out of Life Support.

"Let me assist you Shepard," he said taking the data pads and tea before following her into the elevator. His face was as impassive as usual.

"Oh sure, thanks Thane." Shepard smiled at him awkwardly. She was not entirely convinced about their latest Cerberus recruit. He was certainly more polite than the bitchy biotic and restless Krogan down in engineering but the calculated, precision killing she had witnessed him deal out in the Dantius towers told her this may not be an alien she could ever truly relax around.

A minute later Shepard dumped the armour onto her bed in a disordered pile while Thane set the data pads down precisely on her desk. He turned to survey her spacious cabin.

"Shepard, your fish are... lacking vitality."

She looked round to see the vast majority of her expensive alien marine life floating belly up in her tank.

"Oh for fu..." Something stopped her swearing in front of the oddly gentile assassin. She cleared her throat quickly. "I forgot to feed them again. I swear they were all fine yesterday though. Or was it the day before that? No wait, I definitely fed them before that last trip to Ilium but that was..." she trailed off, counting fingers. "Ah shit, I guess I just won't get any more." The self censoring was short lived.

"Marine life will be relieved to hear it" Thane said with the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.

Sass eh? Interesting. Shepard had not expected that from the previously sombre Drell. He was dying after all. She placed her hands on her hips.

"Let's be fair here, I'm on the most technologically advanced interstellar ship in the galaxy and _somehow_ no one thought to install a VI for the giant fish tank?"

Thane raised his brow ridges slightly and then, rather disconcertingly, blinked two sets of eyelids.

"It is somehow comforting to know that the great Commander Shepard has the odd flaw. I imagine you do not allow much personal time to attend to such things, considering the gravity of your mission and the pressure to rescue your colonists." Thane glanced back at the tank. "Perhaps Gardner could look into the installation of an aquarium VI next time we are on the Citadel?"

EDI chimed in right on cue. "The therapeutic and character building benefits of caring for a domesticated species of sub human intelligence is well documented Shepard."

"You have to be kidding me EDI? The Cerberus ship designer decided I need a lesson in responsibility?! That's ridiculous. And anyway, I already have a hamster." Shepard tapped on her little space rodent's cage. The ball of fur stayed stubbornly put in his den.

"Perhaps a hardier marine species would be more... suitable. There are many robust life-forms in the oceans on Khaje, observe". Thane flicked his Omnitool into life and brought up a holo of a shimmering golden creature with a tough outer shell.

"A Fooluphite. Analogous to your prehistoric earth Trilobites. They are extremophiles, capable of surviving extreme heat and cold and can exist on meagre meals every few months. I was away on business so often from Khaje that these were the only species suitable for my own apartment," he said, shutting down his Omnitool display.

"I like the sound of that! Where can I get one?" Shepard had a feeling she may still be capable of accidentally sending one to its watery grave.

"They are rare but I know a Hanar facility that breeds them still. Perhaps if time permits after the mission you would allow me to give you a tour of my home planet?"

"That's good of you Thane, I may just take you up on it." She was genuinely curious about the ocean world of Khaje and she did need tougher goldfish...

He bowed politely. "I will leave you to your rest Shepard." His parting glance lingered on her just a couple of seconds longer than she was expecting and she felt herself flush suddenly under his gaze.

"Um, yeah, see you later Thane." The door clicked shut behind him. Shepard shook herself off. This was not the time to develop crushes on potentially dangerous alien crew mates. The Cerberus upgrades must have meddled with her hormones, she decided, as she turned grudgingly towards the enormous pile of data Miranda had gathered for her on Collector weaponry.


	2. Chapter 2

Thane's time between missions on the Normandy was mostly spent in quiet meditation. The combat and physical demands of the job did not tax him but adjusting to his new lifestyle as part of a Cerberus squad took some considerable mental effort.

For nearly a decade he had existed in a reassuring void, alone and free from any thoughts and emotions beyond finding and eliminating his next target. Learning to integrate into a squad of disparate characters from all alien races and walks of life had been no easy task.

Since the murder of his wife, Thane's body had become no more than a walking shadow, a state he referred to as his battle sleep. His body woke each morning and carried on working as he had always done but the essence of who he was had died the day Irikah's body slipped into the ocean. For a Drell the passing of time was no comfort; he felt the guilt as keenly now as the day she died, reliving all the opportunities he had missed to make things right in perfect, painful clarity.

_Thane sits at a desk, scanning information on his next target. Irikah places a hand softly on his shoulder. "I found this," she says passing him a datapad. It shows a job vacancy, Arts Writer for the Khaje Review. She says, "you write so eloquently habibi, and the office is right here in our district"._

_He sighs, "you know I can earn five times as much off world Iri, I am the best in my field, my clients are relying on me."_

_"And what about Kolyat?" She asks "should he not rely in his own father? What do I tell him when he asks where his daddy is for weeks and months at a time?"_

_"Iri I left my family at six years old to train for my profession, Kolyat must learn to be strong, the galaxy does not respect weakness. Self-reliance is a key skill he will learn faster without us smothering him." He pushes the data pad aside and she leaves the room without saying a word. He turns and calls after her. "Iri..." She is gone._

Thane shook himself out of the painful memory and began to cough. His lungs are beginning to irritate him, a mild but unsettling indication that the final stages would be upon him before long. He considered his disease a fitting punishment for his carelessness. Keprals Syndrome was a cruel but slow to progress condition, offering him a window of time in which he could pursue some modicum of redemption. He had set about methodically tracking down and removing individuals who caused suffering to innocents on their home worlds and stations. Using his old contacts network he had located and eliminated some of the galaxy's most notorious drug barons and slavers along with dozens of serial rapists, murderers and other criminals. Once a name was on his hit list they would be fortunate to live out the week. Thane had made himself unpopular among the criminal rings of virtually every system and awoke each morning surprised not to have been dispatched in his sleep.

But now his world had been turned upside down with the appearance of this tall and forthright alien female. A single-minded human determined to throw herself into the unknown against impossible odds because she believed the galaxy was in danger. Her skills were impressive, even to a professional assassin trained from early childhood. He had painful experience of the effectiveness of the N7 programme; the only target to have ever caused Thane a genuine fight for his life had been an ex-commando gone rogue out in the Terminus Systems. But the thing that impressed him most about Shepard was her insistence on fairness and equality. He had never met a human, or any other species, so willing to trust and rely on aliens. She inspired loyalty and a spirit of cooperation that was infectious.

Thane had to admit he was intrigued by her. Stranger still was the dawning realisation that he was drawn to her in the same way he had been fascinated by Irikah after witnessing her bravery in the face of his rifle scope. Perhaps Amonkira had prepared a path for him all along, fates twisting and turning to ensure he was equipped with the skills to be of service to this warrior angel, just at the time when their worlds were in imminent danger. He prayed beyond all else that he would live long enough to help her see it through.

Thane was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening behind him.

Shepard placed her head through the opening tentatively. "Hey Thane, mind if I hide out in here for a bit? The din in the mess is giving me a headache."

She had allowed the whole crew a day of shore leave on the Citadel and the vast majority had repaid her by getting blind drunk and piling back into the mess only seconds before curfew. Raucous drinking games led by Donnelly had continued for anyone still vertical and Shepard had only just managed to avoid having a yard of Mindoirian ale forced down her throat. Part of her longed to join in and drown herself in a bottle of premium vodka from one of the frozen human colonies but new information about the disappearance of yet more colonies was weighing heavily on her mind. So instead she'd grabbed a mug of tea and made a dash for Life Support and the only other sober squad member on the ship.

"Of course, I was just thinking about you." Thane smiled warmly.

"Go on… constructive criticism is always welcome here," she said winking at him.

"No Shepard, quite the opposite in fact. I am in awe of all you have achieved. EDI gave me access to detailed files on your past exploits; Virmire, Ilos, Sovereign's attack on the Citadel. Your tenacity is impressive, as is your ability to broker peace between the most unlikely allies…" He paused and frowned slightly.

"Am I sensing a but here?"

"Hmm, I do have one question. Your past shows you do not take shortcuts at the expense of innocent lives, but Cerberus has something of a reputation for the opposite. I'm wondering how long this uneasy alliance can continue?"

Shepard sighed deeply. "I was dead for two years Thane. When I woke up my whole life had disappeared, I had no choice but to trust the people who brought me back. I realise its all been calculated to put me at ease; rebuilding the old Normandy, bringing in Joker and the Doc. I'm not an idiot. I'm useful to the Illusive Man right now but the minute I become more of a liability than a help to whatever scheme he's plotting I'll be cut loose. In the meantime, I'll make the most of his resources and do everything I can to get back our colonists."

"I understand Shepard, desperate times call for desperate measures. I suppose you will want to keep a low profile on the Citadel?"

"Yeah, somehow being the hero of the Citadel and the saviour of the council counts for squat when you're wearing the livery of a psychotic pro-human terrorist." She pointed to her Cerberus badge, wearing an expression of mock pride. "Who knew?"

"Well, I am grateful to the Illusive Man for two things already Shepard." He leaned back in his chair. "Firstly for investing his resources into bringing you back from the dead and secondly for adding me to your list of dossiers."

She smiled. "I should give him credit for that I guess. With a squad I can count using just two hands I now have one of the most lethal strike teams in the galaxy. But I have a feeling he'll regret resurrecting me in the not too distant future. I'm still Alliance under this façade and one day I'll have to make a snap decision that'll piss him off. But anyway, enough about me, how are you feeling today?"'

"No worse than ever, I had hoped I could join you on the next mission? Dr Chakwas has recommended more activity."

"I don't see why not, that last trip out on Tuchanka I took Jack and Grunt to stop them both going stir crazy. She's not exactly the best role model for an impressionable young Krogan. You on the other hand could earn his respect through your combat skills and maybe even ram some civility into him."

Thane smiled at her contradictory phrase. "You task me with civilising a tank bred Krogan? My commander is perhaps overestimating my abilities".

"Well you definitely have the best manners of all the guys aboard this ship. Are all Drell as courteous?"

"The Hanar have had a pronounced effect on our manners and values, though we do not go to the same extremes of politeness. It is considered bad form to put yourself before others."

"Well while we're out there saving the colonies let's try and spread some of that attitude around as well. The galaxy could do with a reminder on that front".

"As you wish Shepard." He smiled again and she had to force herself not to stare at his rather voluptuous lips. She had to admit, his species had some very alluring anatomy, those eyes were also pretty...

"Shepard!" Miranda's brusque voice cut through her train of thought. She had come through the door behind them and looked to be in a mean mood. "Hate to interrupt but I need you in the mess, Jack has just stepped WAY over the line. Oh and Massani made a pass at Liara. She's threatening to pull him out of the airlock". Her XO span round and disappeared back out the door.

"So much for peace and quiet," sighed Shepard as she stood up. "We're heading out to the Ismar Frontier tomorrow, our latest addition wants a hand with a job on Zorya. It would be good to have you along, I could use someone... level-headed. Report to the shuttle deck at 08:00 hours".

"Of course Commander, good night".

She turned and steeled herself for a battle of wills with a very angry biotic and a surly mercenary going through a mid-life crisis. The illusive man certainly liked to keep her on her toes.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard had experienced her share of misgivings about the various squad members Cerberus had dug up for her but she was starting to wonder if this guy really was the Illusive Man's idea of a bad joke. Zaeed had led them out here to Zorya on the pretence of helping liberate the refinery workers from Blue Suns tyranny but now the grizzled merc had revealed that it was all just a ploy so Shepard would waste her valuable time helping him settle some ancient personal vendetta. She growled at Zaeed's back as he strode off towards the plant. Thane was leaning against the railing nearby, seemingly taking in the view but Shepard had sensed he had been ready to strike swiftly if Zaeed had lifted a hand to her.

"He's not what I expected Shepard. I will be watching your back".

"Thanks Thane, my gut's saying the same thing. Let's keep our guard up."

He turned back towards the cascading water as it fell towards the shimmering pool far beneath their feet.

"It's a shame we could not be here for a different purpose Shepard. In my line of work I very rarely found myself in such a paradise." He turned to smile at her. "There is great beauty here."

Shepard felt herself flush under his gaze. What was wrong with her? She was normally immune to advances from men, always ready with a slick comeback if a crew member stepped over the line with her. But Thane was different. Something about this Drell's timeless manner of speech and calm poise had cast a spell over her. She didn't like it.

Mentally slapping herself back into combat mode she turned quickly, hoping the Drell hadn't noticed anything. She was probably misreading the signs anyway, after all she barely knew his species. He probably found human anatomy revolting.

"Let's move, now we're here we may as well give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't take any unnecessary risks though".

"Understood commander" Thane acknowledged.

An hour later and Shepard was at her wits end with Zaaed. His reckless behaviour had nearly led to the deaths of dozens of refinery workers and now they were back on the shuttle he was still doing his level best to wind her up.

"So, Shepard, you're a straight laced kinda girl, like to do things by the book. Are you that uptight all the time or would you let your hair down for the right man?" Zaeed raised an eyebrow at Shepard as he slouched back in the shuttle seat.

"Watch your tone Merc" Thane growled.

Zaeed's gaze shifted lazily to the Drell. "No sense of humour eh? Or maybe..."

Shepard cut him off abruptly before he could finish that train of thought.

"ENOUGH Zaeed, I could still change my mind and throw you off this shuttle, I'm not convinced you're a worthwhile risk, no matter how good a shot you are".

"Oh don't worry Shepard, so long as I get paid I'll get the job done". Zaeed turned sulkily to the window and stayed mercifully quiet for the rest of the journey.

Great, thought Shepard, yet another unstable influence to add to the melting pot of complex and difficult personalities she called a squad. If he got talking to Jack she was pretty sure there would be mutiny within hours and the rest of them would be chain ganged into new careers as pirates. She smiled at the notion of Legion sporting a tricorn hat and caught Thane's eye. He flashed her a bemused look then continued to watch Zaeed like a hawk.

He at least was someone she could rely on. The 'assassin' Jacob had been so concerned about had become a valuable squad member; an unparalleled sniper who was equally adept at hand to hand. To top it off he also possessed biotic abilities that would give any Asari matriarch cause to be smug. She had to admit that Cerberus had really struck gold in tracking down the illusive Drell hit man. As for Zaeed Massani? She had yet to be convinced.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Shepard scanned the far end of the collector ship hallway for any sign of an exit. The Illusive Man had deceived her and the very much operational collector vessel was now sending wave after wave of well-armed troopers and flesh hungry husks in the direction of her small squad. Squinting through the gloom, she thought she could make out a door in the distance and started moving towards it, only to find herself face to face with an enormous Praetorian emerging from a hidden corridor.

Fuck, she thought. She was in dangerous territory, a hundred yards from any decent cover and almost in range of the hulking monstrosity composed of multiple husks and armed with twin particle beams. If she got caught in those even her upgraded Cerberus shielding and armour would not protect her.

The hovering ball of death drew closer as she started to run back towards the rocks where her squad lay in cover and particle beams traced her heels with only inches to spare. She sprinted faster, zig-zagging to avoid the deadly beams but doing little to widen the gap between her and the Praetorian. A fraction too late she spotted a husk rising up from a ledge to her right. It lunged towards her, brought her down with a thud and grappled over her back, ripping off pieces of armour.

Thane saw her predicament and immediately trained his Mantis on the husk, firing a clean headshot that sent it over backwards, into the path of the Praetorian's beams. Its mutated body was sliced clean in half.

Almost instantaneously, Samara channelled an immense warp charge towards the monster, halting its momentum and giving Shepard a chance to duck unnoticed over the ledge and find a foothold. Out of harm's way for the moment, she quickly pulled out her grenade launcher and frowned as she looked down. Just two grenades left.

The Praetorian steamrollered on towards her squad. She had to work fast. The beast's barriers had been torn down so Shepard just needed to penetrate its tough, armoured hide but that was easier said than done. Her first grenade was well aimed but did little to slow the creature as it closed at an alarming speed on the rock where she knew Samara was concealed. Normal weapons fire would take too long, she thought, it was time to get up close and personal.

She waited for the Praetorian to start priming for its lethal death choir attack, the only time it exposed small gaps in the heavy exoskeleton, allowing access to the fleshy inner workings. As soon as it came to a halt she pulled herself over the ledge and sprinted up behind, pulling herself up the closest of its legs with one hand while holding her final grenade in the other and pulling the pin with her teeth. She dropped the grenade through a narrow gap in the thick armour and lost her balance as the creature spun round sharply, sending her flying off to the side. A second later the grenade ignited and blew the inside of the collector abomination to pieces, its robotic legs hunched up around it as it shrieked and fell backwards in its final death throws. Particle beams blasted holes and chasms in the ceiling of the chamber before finally fizzling out.

"Shepard!" Samara ducked beside her and generated a barrier around them. She offered her arm as the commander staggered to her feet. More troopers were piling in from the rear. They had to find an exit soon.

"Shepard?" EDI's calm voice appeared through her com. "There is a door to the North West leading to a corridor that ends by an open and navigable area, I advise haste".

"No shit EDI" Shepard rose stiffly and gave Thane covering fire as he slid down some rocks from his sniping position.

Together the three of them ran forwards, throwing husks out of their path and turning back to pick off the Collector troopers hot on their heels. At the end of the passage they could see an opening and the Normandy descending towards it. She ordered her squad to jump on first and hung back to give them covering fire before taking a running leap towards the hatch where the Asari and Drell grabbed an arm each and pulled her safely aboard.

As the outer hatch closed she yelled into her com. "We're in Joker, get us out of here NOW!" The sudden pull on her gut told her they had just shifted into FTL. Relief washed over her and she bent over double as she caught her breath. They had ran almost the entire length of the enormous collector ship.

Samara turned towards her, totally composed despite their four mile sprint. "That was the first time I have faced Collectors Shepard. It was more of a challenge than I expected" she said matter of factly.

Shepard raised her eyebrows. She was still breathing hard, body pumping with adrenaline. "Uh huh" was all she could manage in response. Did anything ruffle this Justicar?

As the decontamination process finished, Samara delicately swiped the door pad and made her way to the CIC. Shepard moved to leave as well but she noticed Thane still stood by the main hatch, an expression of deep concern on his face.

"Thane, everything ok? Are you feeling unwell?" She asked, beginning to worry despite the fact he showed no outward signs of discomfort.

"No Shepard, I told you I would inform you the moment my condition could jeopardise the mission. It is..." He turned away from her, hands clasped behind his back.

"The mission was troubling." He continued. "You were right, the Illusive Man sees you as expendable. He knew there was only a slim chance of your survival aboard the Collector vessel".

Shepard shrugged. "I'm just another of his projects, an experiment. He feels he has the right to pull the plug whenever it suits him. I'll admit this was a little below the belt though, even by his standards." She was planning to quiz the Illusive Man about this later.

Thane narrowed his eyes "You cannot trust him again Shepard, he is careless with human life, despite his pro-human agenda."

"That may be true but I can't fund this type of mission on my own, and not caring if I live or die is a little different to actively trying to assassinate me".

He stepped towards her. "Regardless Shepard, I would like to accompany you on all future excursions. I alone have the skills to ensure you are protected in every environment. If the Illusive man puts you in danger again I will lay down my life to protect you."

"Hey, slow down there, I won't let it come to that!" She put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't ever let Garrus know I said this but you're my best sniper right now, I'm going to need you with me beyond the Omega 4." She paused and smiled "I appreciate your commitment to the mission though Thane, I wish the rest of this squad were as reliable as you".

Thane's expression softened. He faltered "It is not... solely the success of the mission that I care about Shepard".

Her heart started to pound as she processed his meaning. Shepard had to admit she was drawn to him. She knew so little about him and yet she already trusted him with her life.

No she thought, fraternisation was a no-go. She'd made this mistake before, and that was with an Alliance soldier, not a dangerous alien assassin she barely knew. There were no reg's on this ship but holding onto Alliance protocols was all she had left of her old life. This was a seriously bad idea.

But Thane kept moving closer, his large black eyes seemed to be absorbing her in his gaze, holding her in stasis. He placed a hand gently on her neck.

"Say the word if you wish me to go commander" his deep voice seemed to rumble through her.

"I.." She gasped as his other hand found her waist and pulled her closer.

"Commander?" Joker's voice cut through the silence in the decontamination room. "Illusive man wants a debrief in the com room."

"Uh yeah, I'm on my way Joker" Shepard untangled herself and backed away from Thane reluctantly. He caught her hand and squeezed it gently.

"I will be in my room if you wish to talk later Shepard". She smiled and nodded quickly before entering the ship, her mind spinning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Back in her cabin Shepard stripped off her armour and slumped in front of her terminal. It had been a slip surely, a minor error in judgement while the adrenalin was still flowing. Nothing to worry about but she would have to straighten it out with Thane later so there was no awkwardness on future missions. Her main concern should be the casual disregard her Cerberus sponsor had for her life.

But try as she might to push the incident to one side, it did not prevent Thane from popping into her thoughts uninvited as she showered. With her eyes closed and warm water cascading around her, she could almost hear the low purr of his voice, feel the light touch of his hand on her neck. 'Say the word if you wish me to go commander'. She had stayed silent.

Shepard switched the dial to freezing and tried hard to think about anything she'd missed in the latest armoury inventory list.

There was no way she should see Thane in this state. Instead she decided to slip past Life Support and catch up with the doc. She'd been promising to do this since she had first come aboard and she now had that bottle of brandy Chakwas had asked for. As she reached over to grab the bottle from her desk, she noticed the date on her terminal display and her stomach knotted painfully. Today was the three year anniversary of the day she'd met Ash on Eden Prime.

* * *

"That was where this all began wasn't it?" Chakwas was leaning back in her med bay chair more heavily than usual.

"Sure was. That was a crazy mission for a groundside gunny to get caught up in but Ash didn't blink at anything that day, once she met up with us she insisted on going straight back into the fray."

"You were all remarkable, in your own way," Chakwas smiled, "but you're right, Ash was a formidable soldier."

"The best. She could have made Major by now if..."

"..And if she had, she'd be in the position of choosing her squad's safety over mission objectives, as all military decision makers are. You know this Shepard, so why continue to beat yourself up about it?" The doc frowned at her.

"Ash was... different." Shepard said quietly. She felt lousy all of a sudden.

"Here, you need a top up." Chakwas reached over and filled her glass to the brim. "To Ash," she said proudly, spilling the last of the brandy into her own glass and knocking it back in one movement.

"To Ash, and all our fallen comrades on the Normandy." Shepard downed the sickly liquid despite the nagging sensation her stomach was going to reject it in dramatic fashion later.

"Guh night doc, I mean Karin, it's been a pleasure getting wasted with you". Shepard stood up as straight as her alcohol impaired balance would allow and gave a lopsided saluted.

"Goodnight Shepard, it's been an honour".

Shepard's attempts to sleep while the brandy swam through her bloodstream failed miserably. She'd have thought that with all her bloody upgrades the Lazarus team could have taken the time to increase her tolerance for alcohol?

Inebriated and alone in the darkness of her cabin, her guilt over Ash became a crushing weight. Shepard mentally scolded herself over and over again. 'How could you do that to a friend? What kind of person are you? What a fucking useless spectre. Your team deserved better. Ash deserved better...'

The more objective side of her tried to reason that it had been a purely tactical decision and a coincidence that it suited her romantic interests to save Kaiden. But when she thought back to the moment she'd made that decision, she could no longer be sure that was true.

Her mind drifted to Thane. Was she really about to let herself become entangled in the same situation, developing feelings for a squad member? She would have to lead all of them into battle and potentially ask any one of them to make the ultimate sacrifice for the mission. The mission had to be completed, at any cost.

She tossed and turned for an hour or two before finally giving up on sleep and returning to her desk. Dozens of new Cerberus reports gathered from human colonies about the latest collector activity flashed up as well as a more detailed dossier on the squad member they were due to collect from the Citadel. Shepard made a conscious effort to focus her mind on what was important; saving lives.

After an hour or so her stomach started to growl. Damn, she thought. She was still not in the mood for human or alien contact, and certainly was in no state to speak to Thane. But her cupboard contained nothing edible so she would have to make a raid on the mess. That meant slipping past Life Support again. Evading a professional assassin on an average sized frigate was easier said than done. Stealth would be necessary and the assistance of a sneaky ship AI.

"EDI? I want you to give me a heads up when the mess is clear. "

"Acknowledged. Currently only one crew member is using the facility. Miranda Lawson is eating a frozen synthesized dairy product. Chocolate flavour I believe."

"Hum", Shepard half smiled, "looks like late night pantry raids are not beneath Miss I look like I only eat salads." Maybe the Cerberus wonder woman would grow on her after all.

"Shepard the mess is now clear." EDI informed her.

"Great, uh EDI can you tell me if Thane is asleep?"

"According to his bio readings Mr Krios is indeed asleep Shepard," EDI confirmed primly.

Feeling slightly ridiculous at having to sneak around on her own ship, Shepard hopped onto the elevator and made her way down. Sticking her head out on the crew deck everything was completely silent, barring the usual background thrum of the mass effect core and environmental systems.

As she made a beeline for the high calorie energy bars and the coffee pot she felt a light touch on her arm and nearly jumped out of her uniform.

"Shepard, it's good to see you, you have been elusive lately."

She gulped hard and her stomach clenched. She couldn't brush him off again. She would have to have this conversation right now, hungover and hungry. Great.

"There's been a lot going on. I, er, do need to talk to you Thane if you have a minute..."

"Of course, my door is always open." He ushered her towards Life Support.

Shepard stared pointedly at the nearest surveillance camera before going in. EDI's sense of humour was evolving just a little too quickly for her liking.

She entered Thane's room still undecided on how to explain herself. His warm greeting and smile had made her resolve wobble but she decided to soldier on and sat down across the table from him, swiftly evading his hand when he reached across the table for hers. He frowned and leaned back.

As she opened her mouth to speak Thane interjected.

"Shepard let me apologise for earlier, such impulsiveness is not in my nature. I made too many assumptions. Our species are very different after all, it was... " Thane looked down at his hands, "a foolish notion. I trust the incident will not impact on our friendship. I appreciate these chats we have."

Shepard had a way out. All she had to do was lie, tell him she wasn't attracted to aliens. But no, he deserved better than that.

"Thane I have no problems with inter-species relationships, hell my own mother hooked up with a Turian a few years back". That had been an interesting family Christmas.

"But," Thane eyed her ruefully, "there is another obstacle."

"You remember you told me that memories of despair were the hardest for you to block out? Well humans don't have perfect memories like Drell but some things do get hardwired into our neurone for good; the big life changing decisions, the tragedies." Shepard took a deep breath.

"Two and a half years ago on Virmire is one of those times for me. I can still taste the air, feel the heat of the sun the moment I made the call." She looked down and closed her eyes, her voice shook slightly. "Kaidan... I'm coming to get you...Ash, I'm sorry".

Shepard looked up. Thane's face gave away nothing.

"I was out of time. I had to choose between two squad members, Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams. Both brilliant soldiers and both good people. Ashley was a special woman Thane, and I am pretty sure she is dead right now because I let the feelings I had at the time for Kaidan cloud my judgement."

Thane stayed silent, sensing she had not finished. Shepard stood up and turned away from him, eyes not focusing on the Mass Effect core which blazed through the life support window but instead re-living those fateful moments on Virmire.

"I have feelings for you Thane, I think you already know that, but to go through that again, to make a choice between you and Garrus or Tali or…" She pressed her thumb and forefinger hard into her temples to suppress the sense of emptiness that threatened to overwhelm her. "I just can't do that again".

Thane considered her words for a moment and then responded in a gentle, low voice. "The decision is yours Shepard. I have no desire to complicate your command here and I will respect your decision. But I do not think it is healthy for you to dwell on a future that may never come to pass." He stood up and walked over to stand beside her, placing a tentative hand on her wrist. "Rest assured, I would never allow you to choose me over the lives of your healthy squad members. My time is short while their lives are full of potential."

"But it might not be in your power Thane, and I don't think I'd have the strength to... If we let this continue I..." She trailed off, totally unsure of herself.

He smiled warmly at her. "You are the most remarkable person I have ever met Shepard. I believe the gods will give you the strength to choose wisely in that eventuality." He placed a hand gently on her cheek. "A great storm is on the horizon Siha. I would be honoured if you would let me carry you above the waves while I still have the strength to do so".

Shepard took a deep breath. Her skin tingled beneath his touch and she could feel his gaze on her but could not bring herself to look back up at him.

Could her guilt about Ashley be eradicated by denying herself some comfort on the eve of a suicide mission and a galactic war they had only a slim chance of surviving?

Shepard looked up at Thane, her mind made up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Thane traced his fingers over her cheek and jawline. He seemed to sense her reticence.

"There is no need for us to rush into this, after all I have waited ten years to meet another Siha. We will complete the mission. Afterwards, if you still feel something for me, we can... indulge ourselves." He smiled at her suggestively and ran his hands around her waist.

His full lips and absorbing dark eyes were inches from her face, his warm hands pressed against a small section of bare skin between her t-shirt and trousers. He smelled like weapons lubricant and expensive leather. He was intoxicating.

Shepard couldn't resist any longer. She leaned in to meet those lips with her own, kissing him hungrily, his surprise quickly turning into a passionate response. He tasted exotic and her lips began to tingle. Thane pulled her flush against his body, relishing the close physical contact that he had gone without for ten long years. Shepard could feel a rising heat between them. She wanted this badly. She had not explored this intimate part of her since the Lazarus reconstruction and judging by the rush of pleasurable sensations to important areas everything was working even better than she remembered. Thane moved his hands underneath her t-shirt, exploring the curves and depression of her lower back, pulling her closer against his hips.

He let out a deep gasp then all of a sudden pulled away from her, breaking the spell.

"Siha, forgive me, it has been a long time". He sat down on the edge of his cot, his breathing heavy.

Shepard turned away to collect herself, her heart was racing at a million clicks per hour. He was right that they should wait, she needed to keep her mind on the job, to prioritise the mission. She desperately wanted whatever they had together to be more than just some quickie in the back of a ship cubby. Her sexual experiences before being assigned to the Normandy had all been encounters of that nature; meaningless and instantly regretted once she had relieved her primal urges. She also couldn't ignore the fact that she needed to do some thorough research on Drell biology.

But none of these valid arguments seemed to make any impression on the rest of her body which was aching to be close to him again. It took all her mental willpower to turn back towards Thane with a resigned smile on her face.

"I guess I should go", she sighed. "We're due at the Citadel in a couple of hours and I am pretty much spent. I haven't slept properly in days. I must look pretty horrendous."

"You look radiant," he smiled at her warmly, standing to take her hand in his. He kissed it softly with those full, perfect lips. "Sweet dreams Siha".

Shepard slipped out of Life Support, hoping she didn't look as flushed as she felt. She just needed to make a quick grab for something edible then hit her bed for an hour or so. Hopefully the mess would still be empty.

"Shepard", Garrus called over to her from his seat at the mess tables. "There you are, I need your... What's with you? You look like a Volus on pay day". He looked genuinely worried. Only then did she realise she was still beaming. Shepard did her best to look nonchalant and leant casually on the table nearby.

"Oh nothing in particular, just feeling good about our chances that's all".

Garrus rocked his head back slightly, glancing in the direction she had just appeared from, then shifted his gaze back to her, narrowing his penetrating blue eyes.

"Just generally chirpy huh?" He turned back to his breakfast. "I don't buy it".

She frowned at him as she pulled up a chair. Putting a hand on his arm she leaned in close to the Turian so no one nearby could overhear.

"I am allowed to have a little me time every now and then you know Vakarian." She tried to look stern but couldn't suppress a coy smile.

"I'm flattered, really Shepard but you're not my type. Too... squishy. And anyway I'd rather not end up on the shit list of a professional assassin". He poked her in the ribs with a bony elbow as he laughed.

"Your loss Garrus. We could have been good together. My looks and your, uh, guns".

"That hurts Shepard, have _you _ever had a missile to the face?"

"No, just that high velocity game of chicken I played with Alchera".

"Hah! But no one wanted to spend billions of credits on my facial reconstruction... I could have been a real heartbreaker."

"Right. The females of all galactic races are missing out. And when were you going to find time to woo all these lucky ladies between your calibrations?"

"Even human females can't resist me Shepard. Your little orange haired assistant from the CIC was down here last week, making sure I was settling in".

"Ah, did she by any chance try to hold you close and whisper 'everything is going to be alright?'" Shepard raised her eyebrows quizzically.

"Well yes actually, and I said I know everything is going to be all right because thanks to me, we now have two deadly Thanix Magnetic-hydrodynamic cannons strapped into the main battery."

Shepard laughed and shook her head. "Ah Garrus, you're such a Turian."

"Thanks. I think." He glanced around quickly and began to speak more quietly. "Seriously though Shepard, it's been a rough few years for you, you deserve some happiness. But are you sure he's the right choice? What's the outlook with that Drell disease he's got? I've seen him in with Chakwas a few times. Is there some kind of cure in development?"

Shepard slumped back, her good mood quickly draining away.

"It's... being looked into. But it's a long term project." She swallowed quickly.

"And the best case scenario for Thane?" He asked.

"Eight to twelve months," she said flatly. Saying it out loud made it real. She wished she hadn't.

"Fuck." Garrus sucked in a breath. "Well maybe Mordin could look into it for you? It's a genetic illness right? Salarians love fiddling about with other species' genetic makeup. In fact it's their favourite hobby."

"Maybe. But right now Mordin needs to focus on preparations for the assault on the Collectors. If we make it back maybe I can ask Liara if she has contacts who can extract the existing research from Hanar medical labs and pass it on to Mordin. Nothing is certain though. The Hanar aren't exactly inept and they've been working on a cure for decades."

"But it's worth a shot though right? We don't give up on the ones that are important to us. Liara didn't give up on you, and we got you back. All new and improved too!" He poked her in the ribs again.

Shepard slapped his elbow away, "Yeah, I owe you both, Liara for making sure my body didn't end up with the Collectors and you for trusting me and this operation. Kaidan pretty much spat in my face on horizon and Anderson gave me little more than a token gesture."

"Hmm, I think I'd still rather a pissed off Kaidan covering my back than that merc we picked up on Omega. He's the type of scum I was trying to eradicate, not add to the payroll," Garrus' tone darkened.

"Well since you have the experience maybe I'll leave it to you to deal with him if he steps out of line?" Shepard suggested.

"Deal with who?" Zaeed asked them as he sauntered into the mess and pulled up a chair. "Never mind. I'm not really interested. Oi, garçon," he yelled in Gardner's direction. "Get me some of that synth rubbish you pass off as ham. And a proper drink, none of that Batarian piss you tried to serve me yesterday."

"Talk of the dark gods," Garrus growled quietly to Shepard.

Zaeed turned their way.

"So you _were_ talking about yours truly. Been promoted to a deity now have I? I must write and tell my mother."

Shepard stood up slowly, eyeballing the Merc. He wasn't worth arguing with, she would hit him where it hurt. In the stomach.

"Gardner?"

"Er, yes ma'am?" He sounded nervous.

"Make a note that Massani is now on half rations until he learns to appreciate your cooking."

"What the?" Zaeed started to rise in protest but Shepard had him pinned with a weak stasis field. It would wear off in a minute or two but she hoped it would teach him to be more polite in future.

Garrus got to his feet, scowling at the merc who was still hanging in an awkward looking position a few inches above his chair and turning the air blue around him.

"We'll I'd love to sit here chatting all day but I better get back to it, I need to run a full diagnostic on the new targeting systems with EDI."

"Have fun Garrus. Oh and in future, you are never to refer to your commanding officer as squishy, got it?" She winked at him and punched him playfully.

"Ow, yeah right Shepard, sure thing. I forgot about your skin and bone weaves." He gave her a quick salute to acknowledge the order and made his way back to the armoury, rubbing his upper arm.

He was pleased to see the Commander in such high spirits, but deep down Garrus was worried about her. He had a feeling that the inevitable war looming with the reapers would be enough emotional turmoil for his friend, but to combine that with watching her new lover die from a terminal disease? He couldn't change her mind but he promised to himself that he would be there when she needed a friend to lean on. He hoped it would be later rather than sooner.


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard's mind swan with data. Balanced squad configurations, weapon mods and ammo optimised to take advantage of weaknesses in collector armour and barriers, projections for the levels of collector resistance, detailed schematics of the vessel; all the possible scenarios they might encounter on the other side off the Omega 4 Relay had to be prepared for. Calling for backup was not an option once they reached the galactic core so nothing could be left to chance.

Shepard had built around her a highly skilled squad boasting the best minds, tech, biotics and weapons experts in the galaxy. Their odds of survival had been greatly enhanced by the addition of the powerful Thanix cannons, lovingly and expertly calibrated by Garrus, and the advanced kinetic barriers engineered by Tali should protect them from the Collectors' heavier weapons. The final piece of the puzzle, the reaper IFF code, was their ticket through the relay. But despite utilising every resource and upgrade available there were still so many unknown factors, so many ways the whole mission could go south.

Shepard pushed aside the feeling of uneasiness and pulled up the collector ship schematics on her Omnitool for the hundredth time, talking herself through multiple adaptive backup plans. She was getting back her crew, she knew that for fact. Shepard had contained her true feelings to spare Joker additional guilt but the anger she had felt on returning to the empty ship had become a solid ball in the pit of her stomach. When the collectors attacked the first Normandy twenty good men and women had lost their lives, her ship torn into pieces and strewn across a frozen wasteland. Her beautiful SR1. No way in hell was she about to lose a second.

The unknown quantity was still the colonists. There was finite room on the ship to carry back additional people and tens of thousands had been kidnapped. She had hoped to find at least some still alive, after all why bother with the carefully engineered seeker swarms and stasis pods if all the Collectors wanted were corpses? Shepard had grown up on a colony world, she knew how tough these people's lives had been, even before the Collectors began to target them for their sick, Reaper inspired project. Living in the remote parts of the Traverse on barely terraformed planets exposed you to all sorts of dangers. Providing clean air, safe food and drinking water was an uphill struggle, and that was the only the start. High levels of solar radiation, dangerous alien microbes, gigantic predatory life forms, extreme temperatures and weather systems to make the worst of old earth's tornadoes look like a stiff breeze were just some of the things her family had dealt with, and Mindoir had been considered one of the tamer colonies until the slavers hit. The Normandy was now the only hope the colonists had of returning to their homes and she wouldn't give up on them easily. Shepard rubbed her temples and closed her eyes for a moment. The pressure was immense. So much depended on her decisions in the next 24 hours.

Behind her the cabin doors slid open, shaking her abruptly from her thoughts. Thane walked in, striding past her and looking agitated.

"Siha... I..." He faltered, but then spoke quickly and purposefully, as if he had rehearsed the words many times over.

"I have known I will die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs. I've spoken to my son." He stopped pacing and turned towards, his eyes full of torment. "I should be at peace on the eve of battle."

She'd seen this before, last minute nerves got the better of even the toughest marines when there was downtime before a major engagement.

"Stop. Don't give me a speech." She tried to sound soothing, reaching out a hand to his cheek but he brushed her away, unable to look her in the eye.

"I've worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared. I consider my body's death and a chill settles in my gut. I'm afraid, and it shames me." He slammed his fist into the table, making Shepard flinch and swallow uncomfortably. This was so unlike him. She was at a loss for the right thing to say. Perhaps if she showed him he wasn't alone in his uneasiness about the mission...

"I know how you're feeling Thane, I guarantee you everyone on this ship is suffering from nerves right now, it's nothing to be ashamed of, just... don't let it throw you off your game". _Wow,_ she thought, biting her lip, _ patronising and bossy, I'm doing well here._

He turned slowly towards her, his face very still, eyes moist with... tears? She hadn't even known that Drell could cry.

"Yes Shepard, you are probably right. I should be resting so I can perform at my best". He turned to leave and walked back out through her cabin door.

_No, I must have this wrong_... Her mind raced, disengaging from the hundreds of mission details that had been swirling around in her head so she could replay his words. Had she missed a subtext? Of course she had, Thane was a complex man and a guarded one. This was no simple case of pre-deployment jitters. He had admitted to her that when he accepted the Dantius commission he fully expected to die in those tower blocks. But instead of a violent end he had met Shepard and formed his first emotional connection to anyone for ten years. Without meaning to she had turned his whole existence inside out.

But he was still dying. Even if they survived the Collector base assault, the Keprals would steal him from her within a few months. The intensive preparation for the mission had delayed them from facing the truth but now the final battle was imminent a future of pain and heartbreak loomed on the horizon for their barely fledged relationship.

She winced as she thought back to her recent daydreaming. Despite her usual pragmatism and no nonsense attitude, she had let herself imagine a future with him, a fragile hope that there might be more. A few weeks, months, maybe a year. Maybe even enough time to take advantage of a cure. It was a fools' hope, built on the finest of threads, but the alternative was too awful to contemplate.

Was it a curse rather than a gift she had given him? He had been ready for death. Shepard could only imagine the serious mental strength it had taken to reach that resolution, even with his strong religious beliefs. Had it been cruel to let this relationship take root? Should she give him the opportunity to back out and find peace once again?

"Wait!" She yelled sprinting after him. Thane was stood by the elevator, hand hovering above the button. It was time to be honest and the words came tumbling out of her in a torrent.

"I know I came crashing into your life uninvited. I know I have no claims on you Thane, you still mourn your wife, I understand that and... I know this is a story with a tragic ending." She steadied herself and took a deep breath. "I don't blame you if you are beginning to regret what we've started between us."

He lifted his eyes quickly to meet hers with a surprised look. "I do not regret a thing Shepard. You and Kolyat are everything to me but..." He frowned and looked down at the ground. "That is precisely why the absence of hope is so hard to bear."

Shepard stepped towards him and took his hands into hers.

"I've never admitted this to anyone but... when I first woke up on that laboratory slab and agreed to cooperate with Cerberus I barely knew who I was anymore. I played my role in the Illusive Man's grand plan but it was more from habit than a true belief in what I was doing. I was like you in your battle sleep, I fell back on my natural reflexes and let others take control." She reached a hand towards his cheek, brushing the folds of red skin that tapered down into his neck.

"But then I met you, a complete stranger who owed us no allegiance, yet you were willing to sacrifice your life for nothing in return. Hell it wasn't even to save your own species. You believed in me and you made me believe in myself again. You reminded me what this is all about. Even...," she frowned, " even after you're gone. You're the one I'm fighting for Thane."

"Siha," he whispered, "the time we have is slipping through my fingers like grains of sand."

She pulled his right hand towards her face, pressing his palm against her cheek and kissing it softly.

"Then we hold on tighter to what we have left".

At last he gave her a smile, a smile full of sadness, relief and longing. How could she have thought Drell faces registered little emotion? Before she could process the action she was kissing him, pressing him close with both hands. All her concerns about inappropriate relations before the mission seemed insignificant now. Breaking away from the kiss for just a moment she spoke the invitation she knew he needed to hear. "Stay with me."

Thane answered her by leaning down to kiss her with new intensity. She stepped backwards, fumbling the door to her cabin, reluctant to break away from those sweet lips. His skin smelled like hot sand on a scorching summers day on the Mindoir plains, the summers of her youth that she had longed for for nearly two decades. He helped her lift off her vest top and continued to kiss her as his hands worked deftly across her torso, exploring the most sensitive areas of her skin; her inner arm, her collarbone. His touch lighter than silk. Her skin shivered and tingled and she began to feel a subtle disconnection from the rest of the galaxy, from her past and from the future. Her sense of the present was all that was important. Nagging voices telling her what a bad idea it was to lose herself so completely only a few hour before she would embark on the most dangerous mission of her career were buried deep in the back of her mind.

For a moment he broke away, studying her with his dark eyes.

"You are sure?" He asked.

"Oh yes". She grinned at him, laying back onto her bed so he could help her remove her trousers and underwear. His fingers lingered on her skin, relishing the physical contact.

Thane leaned back to remove his own jacket and under garments and as he moved above her the vibrant jades and emeralds of his scales shimmered under the red shifted light passing across her cabin's viewing window. The colours reminded her of the pythons in the forests of Mindoir, the vivid reptiles would coil around tree branches and catch the light filtering through the foliage. He was breathtaking to look at, the colours of his scales seemed to swim together and merge and then separate, as sharp and vivid as individual precious stones.

As he leaned down again to join her his hands meandered across every inch of her, along her calves and thighs, across her abdomen and surrounding her breasts.

"Your skin is... " Thane began.

"Squishy?" Shepard said quickly with a cheeky smile.

"Addictive."

"You're the one whose pores are getting me stoned right now."

"Is it unpleasant?" he asked, looking concerned.

"I didn't say that, I just... don't want to lose control..."

His hand moved between her thighs and she moaned despite herself. His rumbling voice whispered in her ear. "You could allow yourself an exception, just this once Siha." She lost all hope of self-restraint at that moment. This could be their last opportunity to be together. If she was going to die in a few hours she would do so with the fresh and perfect memory of being entwined in the arms of her lover. Shepard sank back into the pillow and pulled him towards her, opening her mouth to his lips and closing her eyes.

* * *

Shepard clipped on her boots, fixed her Polaris Omnitool onto her forearm and finally placed her Sentry Interface visor under her hairline. Joker had just announced they were ten minutes out from the Omega 4 Relay. She would have time for one final weapons check down in the armoury and then join her pilot in the cockpit for the relay jump. Thane was sat on the side of her bed, deep in thought.

"Well, this is it. How are you feeling?"

"I no longer fear my bodies passing Siha, if I die for this noble cause, it will be a good death."

She placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Hey, this is no longer a suicide run. I've never in my career been better prepared for a mission. If everyone does their job and performs their orders as I ask we are all going to make it back". She leaned down to press her forehead against his. "And your orders are not to throw your life away in some heroic gesture, understand Krios?"

"I understand Shepard. I will meet you on the bridge, I… need a few minutes to prepare."

As she turned to leave he reached out to catch her hand. "Shepard I.. whatever happens today, I am thankful to Kalahira for guiding me to you".

She smiled. "Me too Thane".


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard squatted down by her terrorised crew members in disbelief. So this was the purpose of the abductions, the reaper 'harvest' was to gather human genetic material? The chamber smelled like an abattoir, the stench of blood and processed fat clung to every molecule in the air. Kelly Chambers gripped onto Shepard's arm, her expression frozen in a mix of terror and childlike wonder. She had not said a word since they had released her from the collector pod.

"Kelly?" Shepard shifted and placed her hands on either side of her psych officer's face.

"Kelly you're safe now but you need to get moving, Mordin will take you back to the Normandy."

Kelly was immobile, continuing to stare over Shepard's shoulder.

"Kelly please, do this for me". After a few seconds she blinked slowly and nodded, meeting the gaze of her rescuer. She whispered almost too quietly for Shepard to register. "Anything for you Commander".

"That's my girl", Shepard forced a weary smile and upbeat tone. The psychological consequences on her crew would be serious but right now she was just glad to have them all breathing and in one piece. She ushered Kelly toward the other crew members and turned back to the dreadful sight in the chamber. Hundreds, no thousands of pods lined the walls, most were empty but some still held human occupants. Shepard used her visor zoom to view the distant pods and clocked movement. An elderly human had started to thrash wildly in a desperate but hopeless escape attempt. There was no obvious way to get to him, the pod was two hundred metres above them and on a platform seemingly connected to another part of the ship.

"Thane with me," Shepard barked. They had only seconds at most.

"The pods are weak at the join with the casing, a direct shot should spring it open". She fired an experimental pistol round at an empty, sealed pod nearby. Her theory was correct.

"Shepard what if he shoots the colonist?" Jacob appeared next to her, aghast.

"Then we spare him being pulped alive," she said without blinking. "Take the shot Thane".

He didn't hesitate. The viper round struck the casing with force and the colonist was sent sprawling onto the ledge, nearly carried over the side in the mass of fluid.

Shepard turned to the Justicar. "Samara can you get a pull field that far?"

"Yes Shepard, but it is the outer limits of my powers radius." With a flourish of her arm she sent the biotic field upwards and gently lifted the colonist from where he lay, bringing him to rest on their own platform, shaking uncontrollably. Chakwas put a comforting arm around him and helped him get to his feet.

"Pl..please, you have to help my wife, she's still up there," the man pleaded with them.

Shepard nodded at him. "We'll help a many as we can".

She turned to her Turian sniper. "Garrus I want you to shoot open every occupied pod within Samara's pull range", she turned to her biotic specialist, "save as many as you can but don't run yourself dry, follow Mordin and the crew back out when you've done what you can. The rest of you with me".

"Is this a good idea Shepard?" Miranda raised an eyebrow at her. "We're a small squad to begin with, splitting us up, taking our key sniper and biotic out of play? Resistance will only get heavier from this point."

Shepard rounded on her. "We came here to save colonists Miranda. If my death buys time to get even a handful back through the relay then that's what's going to happen".

She walked to the edge of the platform and scanned the wall of pods one last time. Thane walked over to stand beside her, from the look on his face he was still trying to comprehend the horror around them.

"I waited too long Thane. I wanted to be prepared for all possible scenarios. But while I was gathering this team thousands were being processed, murdered. If I'd known what they were doing I... I'd never have postponed the mission so long."

"None of us imagined such atrocities, even in our wildest nightmares. But your prudence has facilitated the creation of a squad that is intimidating and loyal to the end Shepard. We have an opportunity to consign this operation into history."

She shot him a determined look. "And that's exactly what we're going to do".

* * *

Shepard hoisted the heavy missile launcher onto the rock in front of her and lined up the shot. Time had slowed to a fraction of normal speed as she set the aim for a terminal strike on the human reaper. The abomination loomed above her, it's skull like features a horrific parody of something that would adorn the entrance to an old earth ghost train ride.

Thane lay in cover next to her, ready to take out the final fuel cell chamber once the creature was reeling back from the missile strike. She pulled the trigger and the rocket hit squarely in the vast machine's glowing eye socket, taking out key systems. The reaper began to rock backwards and lurch wildly. Thane leaned over the wall and fired a viper round into the middle of the final cell, sending human fluids spraying over the reaper's metallic rib cage. Finally it was loose. Gigantic limbs slumped and the metal skull rolled forward and disappeared from view as it slid back into the pit from which it had risen.

"Tali, get on that bomb, now". The Quarian got straight to work. A moment later Joker's voice came through on her com.

"Incoming message for you Commander, bet you can't guess who? EDI's patching it through". The Illusive Man. Of course. He couldn't let an important moment like this pass by without giving her a variation of his 'we're doing a marvellous thing for humanity' spiel.

It was a surprise to find his projected image looking harried, his voice tense. "Shepard, destroying the base is no longer necessary, a timed radiation pulse will kill the collectors but leave the technology in tact. This is our chance, they were building a reaper. That knowledge - that framework - could save us. Think of the potential."

Shepard considered her options for a moment. The technology could well prove invaluable, after all they were already using reaper tech; the Thanix cannons were essentially miniaturised versions of sovereign's main weapon. But something about using a human reaper, a burial urn for thousands of men, women and children, felt innately wrong.

Thane saw her indecision and caught her arm, pulling her to one side. "Shepard this is not a path you wish to go down. You cannot trust him with this".

He was right, the Illusive Man was unstable. To keep the thing functioning felt like a final insult to the colonists she had come to save. She had failed them once. She wasn't about to do it again.

"The colonists who died in the making of this thing deserve to rest in peace. We destroy it. Now."

"Shepard no, I..." The Illusive Man began to object but Tali shut down the holo mid sentence. Shepard had a feeling the turbulent alliance with her unpredictable Cerberus sponsor had just come to an end.

With a final flourish of her omnitool, Tali turned to Shepard. "It's set. Ten minutes Shepard, we need to move".

As she spoke a great crack echoed around the chamber. The human reaper was clawing its way back up the edge of the chamber and destabilising the platform they were perched on precariously.

"Go!" Shepard yelled above the noise of the rocks giving way around them. The platform lurched into a 45 degree angle sending her and Thane sprawling towards the far edge. Beyond was a half click drop or worse, the gaping maw of the human reaper.

Shepard fumbled for a narrow finger hold and looked down. Thane was on a sheer surface with nothing between him and the edge. She didn't hesitate, sliding down to meet him but he was rapidly descending beyond her reach. Clinging onto the far edge he looked up at her, his eyes calm as if this was exactly how he thought it should end.

"Not like this," she growled, reaching over with her right arm, her left clutching a slither of a handhold. She used all her strength to pull him up but the chamber was still crumbling around them. As they ran across the shifting platforms towards the exit she lost her grip on Thane's hand and rocks plunged down around them. Shepard's world descended into clouds of dust and then darkness.

She came round a few moments later, pinned by a huge slab of rock. Grunting with the effort, she shifted the weight off her torso and staggered to her feet. There were mounds of debris where the platforms had just been.

"Tali, Thane?" She called, choking on the dust still settling around her. "Grunt?"

"Here Shepard." Grunt was coated in a thick layer of dust that had attached itself to the collector bodily fluids that coated his armour. He was a mess but looked to be in one piece.

As her visibility improved she could see an elbow poking out from beneath a large pillar. Working quickly with Grunt she lifted away the heavy slabs of stone to find Thane. He was bruised and concussed, but alive.

"I'm fine Shepard". She squeezed his hand tightly and shot him grim smile before turning to search for Tali. They found her a few metres away, rousing herself from what looked like a serious head wound. Her mask was cracked but they would have to worry about infection later, right now they needed to move. Grunt stood by the door, chomping on the bit as usual.

"C'mon Shepard, I want to take out some more of those pyjak reaper bitches," he growled as he loaded his claymore with a fresh thermal clip.

Shepard reached over to Tali and pumped the remains of her Omnigel into the Quarian's suit. "Ready to go Commander," she nodded, brave as ever.

Shepard spoke into her com. "Garrus? Time for you and Samara to move, take the colonists back to the Normandy. Follow our entry route back out."

"Acknowledged, we have 26 colonists ready to move." Garrus responded. "We'll meet you on board".

The dash back to the ship was a blur. Shepard only ceased firing her Locust for a couple of rapid clip changes while Thane used all the dark energy he could channel to send heavy throws ahead of them, cutting a path through the relentless swarms of husks. Grunt took point and used his devastating close quarters melee to make a mockery of the collector captains' armour and barriers. As they neared the rendezvous point a praetorian appeared behind them, its laser nearly cutting Tali in half but Thane saw the danger just in time and pulled her clear. The laser continued to fire, nearly collapsing the tunnel as they were backing through it but the rockslide it caused blocked the passage long enough to give them a few moments to sprint for the ship without watching their backs.

Shepard hung back, making sure everyone else was on board and given covering fire for their leap onto the Normandy. Grunt was the last to leap safely into the ship.

Time to go. She grimaced as she launched herself towards the hatch, it was a long leap and bullets continued to zip past her head and impact on her weakening shields. A blast from a scion hit her square in the back and knocked her from her trajectory. She was going to miss the ship. She stretched her arms towards the hatch opening and felt a jolt as her wrists were grabbed from midair by Garrus and Thane. They dragged her up quickly and secured the hatch. Shepard fell onto the floor of the decontamination chamber and let out a mangled choking sound, part sob and part laugh. They had done it.


End file.
